The Pain. The Pen. Life.

It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on. ~Nicholas Sparks

 Every time I sit down to write I realize that I am afraid the post may be too long, too open, too bitter or all of the above.

So today I want to thank the almighty because after a very long time I got the courage to write. I am not a good writer or even blogger by all standards, but I got the courage to get out of myself and look at life from outside of myself and write however plain.

So today am in traffic and with the car radio off I could practically hear myself think. That was despite the many tuk tuks that were around me, the crazy honking drivers and generally the noise of traffic.

What is life about?

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.~ Soren Kierkegaard 

Life is about giving and receiving. It’s in the giving that we appreciate others and it’s in the receiving that we feel appreciated. While all along I thought Life was about love, happiness and wealth. I am ready to admit that I was wrong.

All three aspects above are as a result of giving and receiving.

We often tend to give too much, or too little and receive too little where we gave too much or too much where we gave too little.

Recently I realized that I was okay in giving, I was happy giving and I gave whole heartedly, I was even willing to give more, But reality dawned on me that as much as I gave I never got back. Even in small doses. And I realized that it was not worth it.

You only go where you are appreciated. And you go quickly. Because Life only makes sense when you are appreciated and you get more zest to appreciate others.

Humanity detects that when you realise that a person or a cause can benefit more from someone elses gifts or givin then its only proper for you to allow them to receive wholly and to be happy because they can give back to them in appreciation.

You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles ~ C. Joybell. C

With Love,



The Power of Prayer…

I wanted my first post on January 2013 to be about this awesome wedding that I missed sometime last year.My Friend Eric married Jackie in a beautiful bumblebee wedding and I missed it!

It so happened that I could not fully download the kind of photos that i required for the kind of post i have in mind… Hence i have put up a photo that will give you an idea of that beautiful wedding as i continue my hunt for the photos i require.


Anyway this year I have been a very poor blogger with little time in my hands and many things happening very fast. Yep… even for me! I know a few people who would absolutely frown at my statement… but it is true…even I get ‘shocked’ at the speed of life sometimes.

I will have you all know that I did not intend for this to be a spiritual blog, in fact, honestly when i started this blog that was the farthest thing from my mind, but…and here is where you need to put your spectacles on and read carefully, BUT,  I NEED TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE POWER OF PRAYER.

Prayer is powerful, and you all need to know that… embrace it and practise it. Prayer with Faith is as powerful as the currency of power in any country!

You just please God so much into opening up doors for you…

Watch this space for the blog on my friend’s wedding, you guys are gonna be happy :- and watch this space for more smiley blogs…


With Tons of Amour,


A life without regret…not in its entirety…

“Old times” never come back and I suppose it’s just as well. What comes back is a new morning every day in the year, and that’s better.
–George E. Woodberry

Today is the last day of the year 2012…I am thankful that I have seen this day!

SInce the 26th, i have been promising myself to post an appropriate post… but I have been too caught up with work and everything. For the first time in my career the holiday season was the busiest time of 2012…with short deadlines, impatient customers, increasingly incredulous demands…I made it though. I met all deadlines through stealth and resolve :-)…

I always say and believe that I have lived my life without regret. And that may be true. Over the last months though I discovered that there are some things I would do differently if I was to go back in time. Well here is my dark list;

  1. I would invite a little bit of abandon in my life…live a little carelessly at least once
  2. I would not give a hoot about the negative things that people said to me and of me. It’s their weakness that they can’t reconcile my awesomeness with their hideousness.
  3. I would have a stronger resolve in the things I set out to do.
  4. I would choose my University Major myself… I would then settle for Business Administration with two minors in Finance and Marketing
  5. I would see a specialist doctor for even the smallest complications
  6. I would read more books. And All genres too.
  7. I would loan money to friends and family judiciously
  8. I would teach myself how to budget and live by the budget.
  9. I would do my goals mid year and strive to achieve them so that they do not fall in the mediocrity of New year resolutions
  10. I would stand up for myself more than often, make my position known without sounding too defensive and confront all people who need to be confronted without fear or favor.

Had I done the above things I strongly believe, that my life would be different and not necessarily better, but different nonetheless. These are just aspects of my life that I learnt too late that I should have done more… Now, I have more dreams, bigger dreams, inspired by wisdom, wisdom from experience, experience from mistakes and life in general, and even if I do get to live once again for me to be as resounding as I am today, the same mistakes will have to be made.

As I move on to my new year, I would like to wish you a Happy new year, one that’s filled with situations you can convert to happiness, one whose hardships will be within your scope to handle and will only serve to make you more into the person you want to become. And that all God reserves a special channel for your prayers to be processed straight through.

In 2013 choose to change someone’s life in a positive way for it is only in this way that your life may be changed

In 2013 wear someone else’s shoes for a mile before judging them, for it is only in this way that you may also be tolerated.

In 2013 Use Self-preservation with carefulness to ensure that in the process you do not scar a society that is barely holding itself from the hinges of selfishness and unkindness that is the norm; for you cannot expect to have all your rights respected when you are infringing on another’s. even for a ‘just’ cause.

For 2013 , Dare to be Different, for it is in the difference that you create room to accomodate diversity and other peoples differences.

Whatever your prayer for 2013 is, please throw in a sentence that God gives me the desire of my heart…

I knew I had gotten old when I realized that I only have one wish, one prayer and one desire for the year 2013.

“I have no regrets in my life. I think that everything happens to you for a reason. The hard times that you go through build character, making you a much stronger person.”–Rita Mero

Happy new year my people.

With lots of Love,

I blow a million kisses to each one of you

The price some will pay for greatness.

I have come to the conclusion that not all of us will end up in marriage, happy or otherwise.

I have also realized that not all of us were made for conventional relationships as depicted by the society.

Its the blunt truth. And that truth might be difficult for even the most reasonable person. However it is a truth that needs to be realized and embraced. The sooner we realize that about ourselves the better we will be.

It is then and only then that you will spend the energy you would otherwise use (waste) on relationships on other things and aspects of your life that you actually thrive in.

Like everything else I also know that there is a provision for trial and error or how else will one know they actually belong to this group of individuals?

There is also a provision for unions that are based on pure lust and meaningless canal desires.

Some Women are not meant to be happy, they are meant for greatness.

One day most of you will remember these words and when that day comes, please sure to give me credit on them…


There Is Such a Thing As A Good ‘Bye’…

Today let’s talk those people who hurt us so bad. Those who made us cry, who made us think we will never ever love again, or be kind again or care again.

Dear Earthlings, I have a wardrobe full of those people.

Every so often I open that wardrobe look in and smile and wonder; what in the f* hell was I thinking?

It could be an ex boyfriend, a family member (an ex- if only that were possible) or even an ex- BFF.

To be honest sometimes I think if I was given a chance to relive my life I would steer clear of these people. I doubt it. People who hurt me only made me stronger.

Those who broke my heart opened my heart to loving people who are worth my time.

Those who stole from me only taught me the importance of financial planning and sound investment.

Those who wrapped my kindness in a bag full of shit and threw it in a pit latrine, oh those ones taught me the biggest lesson, walking away from doing good and not expecting anything in return. That is the best kind of kindness people.

 So today I was very thankful to all these people. In the end they served to make me a better person.

Thank you for saying goodbye
Making me cry
Leaving me here all alone in the night
You saved my life, that beautiful night
You said goodbye

Thank you for saying goodbye
Found someone new
Yes I’m so grateful, I owe that to you
Told me to tell you he’s thankful too
For saying goodbye
~Deborah Cox Saying Goodbye

If the loser had not broken my heart I would still be in a unfulfilling relationship. And I would not know the love that I know right now… Oh God…Bye bye Baby… thank you for saying goodbye.

If the people had not stolen from me I would still be playing around with money instead of putting it to good investments. Bye bye baby… thank you for saying goodbye.

If they had not taken my kindness for weakness, I would still be holding on to lost causes, I would not know how to really give. Bye bye baby …. Thank you for saying goodbye.

If they had not betrayed my trust, I would not have made true friendships…Oh Bye Bye Baby….Thank you for saying goodbye…

*flying kiss to y’all 🙂

Lipstick Notes

Looking on in from the outside…

“You see, even though back then Barack was a senator and a presidential candidate, to me, he was still the guy who’d picked me up for our dates in a car that was so rusted out, I could actually see the pavement going by in a hole in the passenger side door. He was the guy whose proudest possession was a coffee table he’d found in a dumpster, and whose only pair of decent shoes was half a size too small.” – Michelle Obama

Am not sure to what extent married peoples and even dating peoples  support their spouses but I know it would pay and then some.

One may ask me exactly what do you mean by ‘supporting your man’?

I have my own small ways and understandings on the subject. I tend to agree with the idealogy that in a normal relationship men should be the head of the relatonship. But I also know that Women form the backbone, the support structure and in some cases the brains in the union.

Many women do not seem to understand this about relationships. Most women work too hard to be trampled upon by their spouses only because they did not realise their full potential and specifications in the relationship.

Sometime back, my friends and I had an animated discussion about the importance of a woman in a man’s path. and one of them emphatically points out some men in teh society who do not necessarily have wives or steady relationships with women. I replied without batting an eyelid, ” then I think had he gotten a wife or a meaningful relationship, then he would have been more succesful and more fulfilled.” and i still think so.

“And I didn’t think that it was possible, but let me tell you today, I love my husband even more than I did four years ago, even more than I did 23 years ago, when we first met.” – Michelle Obama

  Believing in his dreams and helping to facilitate them is one such type of support.

  Knowing what to deal with outside of the bedroom and what not to is also a type of support.

 Knowing his weaknesses and positioning our strengths to align them is also a very good way to support our men. 

I do not know much about Michelle Obama and her home and I might agree with suggestions that the whole ‘family’ picture could be stage managed to win the hearts of many voters, however I know Barrack was not born a president, he was a young man like any other man at some point. He had dreams, ambitions and uncertainities. And he had  a good education and some exposure.

I strongly believe that when he got himself Michelle thats the point when he got some meat on the bone that was his planand that’s when he got focus.

“He’s the same man who, when our girls were first born, would anxiously check their cribs every few minutes to ensure they were still breathing, proudly showing them off to everyone we knew. You see, that’s the man who sits down with me and our girls for dinner nearly every night, patiently answering questions about issues in the news, strategizing about middle school friendships.” -Michelle Obama

I  bet they have been through some tough times. But I also know they have been ways and structures to deal with their issues. To get them to that office, Michelle has had to make a few concessions, has had to be curt, has had to be cruel to him sometimes and has also had to sacrifice on a lot of her own dreams. Her eyes were on the prize and the price was not small.

I am sure Barrack Obama has some bullshit too…like any other man. She has known to deal with that bullshit.

If you offer the kind of support that your man needs, there is no telling where you will go. Sometimes we need to dig deep to get his plan. sometimes we might have to help them formulate their plan. Most times we do this and let them believe it was them all along. 

They could be heads of the houses but they damn straight know we are the backbone.

“Well, today, after so many struggles and triumphs and moments that have tested my husband in ways I never could have imagined, I have seen firsthand that being president doesn’t change who you are. No, it reveals who you are.” – Michelle Obama

You Heard Right, IN LOVE, Yes I do mean In Love…

Yesterday, I fell in Love.

I fell completely in love with Andrew Garfield as he portrayed Peter Parker in The Amazing Spiderman.

Oh yes people I finally got to watch The Amazing Spiderman. On 3D. Boy was I exhilarated!

The picture is of amazing quality :-), the storyline is generic as is with all superhero films. But I liked the little twists here and there.  I picked up a few lessons from The Amazing Spiderman;

  1. The evil you do returns to you and the good you do stays with you
  2. It takes the same amount of energy to do good and to do bad, but the results of doing good are way better than doing bad
  3. When you choose not to do something corrective about a bad situation you form part of the problem and are responsible for any outcomes from the bad situation. Directly.
  4. You should not rest until you get to what you know as the bottom of the matter.
  5. Do not cow from defending what you deem as right.
  6. Get other perspectives as well and aim to improve.
  7. When you adorn in a mask appreciate that there are situations that may call for you to remove that mask. And you must oblige.

Now about being in love, whenever I watch a movie or a series (and this is often) I end up falling hopelessly in love with the main protagonist and in some cases the antagonist. What is?

I have fallen in love with many a Hollywood stars that it seems almost wrong. Funny enough I never fell in love with Leonardo Di Caprio, I fell in love with his character in Titanic though… and have cried al the 13 times I have watched Titanic

Ian Somerholder goes quite high up my list of ‘stars am in love with’. Every time I see him (on TV) I go gugu gaga. Unbelievable I tell you. It could be his deep blue eyes, or his look of arrogance, or his character in Vampire Diaries or whatever…  God really took his time on creating his mans appeal.

But the one star that I have inexplicably been in love with for a long time, with no reason whatsoever (OK who am I Kidding, his skin tone first, then his look of masculinity and everything he represents …Oh God) is none other than…Idris Elba. If I was a young woman with an empty head my facebook profile would probably read Mrs. Idris Elba. He is all that and a packet of M&Ms.

The trick about my being in love with these people is this, I DON’T WANNA KNOW JACK ABOUT THEIR REAL PERSONAL LIVES.

Escapism hunh? Or maybe just being selective on what to know about who I fall in love with.

I am well aware of the fact that I have been using the phrase ‘in love’ rather than ‘love’ and you guys think I probably mean the latter…well no! I mean the former…

I do fall hopelessly and blindly in love with these people 🙂


Whats in a gift anyway?

What’s in a gift?

I wonder if the situation would be any different if I were any richer.

Someone very special to me is celebrating their birthday today. I know you have already guessed where this is going but I have to get my thoughts out.

First of all I am dead broke…

Secondly he is the most complex man who walks this earth and therefore very hard to read. I imagine if it were my girl (:-)) I would have bought her a bottle of perfume, jewellery (which reminds me I need to get her a gift (;-)). But NO! Its Him. I am out of options help!!!!

What if I just got him a goat…yep a goat…a bleating goat? It’s still a gift right?

Would have taken him for a strip dance but Oh My, the strippers here are nothing to write home about. Forget writing home, they are not worth the paper and pen to write home about…

I could get him a pen but I have expensive taste and not the money to furnish that. So I would rather not than getting him some cheap pen.

A gift?
A headache!

I could get him some cufflinks but the brother does not wear shirts that require cufflinks and his job really does not encourage…

I am left with two or three options…

People take this as an official SOS. Should you hear I died, it’s probably because I pulled out my eyes as I could not think anymore. Would I die from that???

Oh and it my sister’s birthday in 2 days time…Hell…What the hell will I get her????

So as am thinking about it, here goes a wish for you my sweet…

Happy Happy Birthday!

May light illuminate your path always.

May your path be paved with beauty and success.

May the beauty and success give you happiness.

May your happiness abound in all times.

May all the times fill you with gratitude to man and God.

May God be first in all that you do. And because God is Love, May Love surround you now and always.



Being an Individual…

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have you ever missed someone? Really missed someone?

Missed them until all the bones in your bone ache for them?

Missed them to the extent of smelling their scent everywhere…?

Missed them to a point that you are scared you might be losing your individuality?

Mh individuality… what is our individuality? Personally I think individuality is someone’s persona being able to have beliefs and principles and standing by them no matter what. Being able to pinpoint what you want even when its representation is a bit hazy or everyone else is afraid of pinpointing it or even afraid of wanting it, Being independent in thought and in action from external factors. Sometimes what we want is within our reach but most times it’s not.

That’s life’s little joke on us, that every time we reach for something we realize its way out of our reach. And then we work hard and reach for it and get it and hug it tightly celebrating as we do a victory dance…and then, just then, as we are dancing around, fresh from victory, our attentions are drawn to something else, something that we begin to imagine we would die if we do not get …and the cycle continues…

Our ambitions, our quest for separation shapes our individuality. We need that individuality. We must be alone within to create lasting relations outside. We should be able to fashion ourselves in such a way that we are able to fit in the society.

All greatness of character is dependent on individuality. The man who has no other existence than that which he partakes in common with all around him, will never have any other than an existence of mediocrity.  ~James Cooper

When you miss someone until you start getting sick or when you miss someone until you start questioning your sanity, then one must ask the vital question; is it that am losing my mind or my individuality? Or is it that you are conforming to societal standards that when someone is not around then you ought to emotionally feel their absence?

And that will give you an indication on how well sculpted your individuality is. 

One more thing, when you love someone do you lose your individuality to them? is it tied to them in any way?

With Love,


If Dolphins and/or Sharks came to check us humans out …

In my place of work we have a birthday tradition; we all contribute some amount and buy a cake to celebrate the birthday. So come your birthday we try as much as possible and make it a surprise.

I was born on 26th December; this makes the celebration of my birthday from the office extremely hard as for the last 4 years I have been on leave around that time. Anyway that notwithstanding I always contribute towards my other colleagues birthdays and up until recently I was always the one to call the cake house to make orders.

Anyway a very dear, bubbly and wonderful woman always made her birthday very special. Shewould come in and the first thing she would say is ‘is there something different about this day dear?” and she would go on and on about how she can’t wait for us to surprise (as if it was a surprise anymore) her with the cake…and enquiring whether or not we have already collected the money to pay for the cake…

It was so funny and yet we all loved it.

She used to make the office so lively, remember once we took a boat ride looking for dolphins… (Why do humans do that? Go into animals habitat to look for them? I mean do we see dolphins in the streets of New York or Mombasa for that matter taking a walk looking and musing at humans?).

Because  of my healthy fear of large water bodies and all, I was so scared  that I got an asthma attack (it’s my most embarrassing moment to date). She held me through out and when we got ashore and I was much better she kept saying, “You guys think I was scared? Hell No I was not! I would have thrown you to my back and swam ashore, I aint scared of nothing!!!.” It was scary alright, my colleague was so scared for me that she got a panic attack…

Sadly she left our company.

Today when I was writing someone an email and indicated the date as 17th something in my head clicked…and my! it’s her birthday…

So I called her to wish her a happy birthday and as always she was just happy and bubbly, she asks me OH MY GOD how could you remember? Like anyone can forget :-0

Anyways that got me thinking how much humans need each other, I mean it’s not my birthday but just hearing her voice talk about when she was here and laughing at her cartoon ways has uplifted my spirits in a special way…

And she is quite special in my life too, I owe a lot of life lessons to her… Happy Birthday Mother in Law…

This is my appreciation for being there with me… even when you had better things to do…Happy Birthday once again!

I am not young but I feel young. The day I feel old, I will go to bed and stay there. J’aime la vie! I feel that to live is a wonderful thing.
Coco Chanel

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