The Pain. The Pen. Life.

It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on. ~Nicholas Sparks

 Every time I sit down to write I realize that I am afraid the post may be too long, too open, too bitter or all of the above.

So today I want to thank the almighty because after a very long time I got the courage to write. I am not a good writer or even blogger by all standards, but I got the courage to get out of myself and look at life from outside of myself and write however plain.

So today am in traffic and with the car radio off I could practically hear myself think. That was despite the many tuk tuks that were around me, the crazy honking drivers and generally the noise of traffic.

What is life about?

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.~ Soren Kierkegaard 

Life is about giving and receiving. It’s in the giving that we appreciate others and it’s in the receiving that we feel appreciated. While all along I thought Life was about love, happiness and wealth. I am ready to admit that I was wrong.

All three aspects above are as a result of giving and receiving.

We often tend to give too much, or too little and receive too little where we gave too much or too much where we gave too little.

Recently I realized that I was okay in giving, I was happy giving and I gave whole heartedly, I was even willing to give more, But reality dawned on me that as much as I gave I never got back. Even in small doses. And I realized that it was not worth it.

You only go where you are appreciated. And you go quickly. Because Life only makes sense when you are appreciated and you get more zest to appreciate others.

Humanity detects that when you realise that a person or a cause can benefit more from someone elses gifts or givin then its only proper for you to allow them to receive wholly and to be happy because they can give back to them in appreciation.

You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles ~ C. Joybell. C

With Love,



A life without regret…not in its entirety…

“Old times” never come back and I suppose it’s just as well. What comes back is a new morning every day in the year, and that’s better.
–George E. Woodberry

Today is the last day of the year 2012…I am thankful that I have seen this day!

SInce the 26th, i have been promising myself to post an appropriate post… but I have been too caught up with work and everything. For the first time in my career the holiday season was the busiest time of 2012…with short deadlines, impatient customers, increasingly incredulous demands…I made it though. I met all deadlines through stealth and resolve :-)…

I always say and believe that I have lived my life without regret. And that may be true. Over the last months though I discovered that there are some things I would do differently if I was to go back in time. Well here is my dark list;

  1. I would invite a little bit of abandon in my life…live a little carelessly at least once
  2. I would not give a hoot about the negative things that people said to me and of me. It’s their weakness that they can’t reconcile my awesomeness with their hideousness.
  3. I would have a stronger resolve in the things I set out to do.
  4. I would choose my University Major myself… I would then settle for Business Administration with two minors in Finance and Marketing
  5. I would see a specialist doctor for even the smallest complications
  6. I would read more books. And All genres too.
  7. I would loan money to friends and family judiciously
  8. I would teach myself how to budget and live by the budget.
  9. I would do my goals mid year and strive to achieve them so that they do not fall in the mediocrity of New year resolutions
  10. I would stand up for myself more than often, make my position known without sounding too defensive and confront all people who need to be confronted without fear or favor.

Had I done the above things I strongly believe, that my life would be different and not necessarily better, but different nonetheless. These are just aspects of my life that I learnt too late that I should have done more… Now, I have more dreams, bigger dreams, inspired by wisdom, wisdom from experience, experience from mistakes and life in general, and even if I do get to live once again for me to be as resounding as I am today, the same mistakes will have to be made.

As I move on to my new year, I would like to wish you a Happy new year, one that’s filled with situations you can convert to happiness, one whose hardships will be within your scope to handle and will only serve to make you more into the person you want to become. And that all God reserves a special channel for your prayers to be processed straight through.

In 2013 choose to change someone’s life in a positive way for it is only in this way that your life may be changed

In 2013 wear someone else’s shoes for a mile before judging them, for it is only in this way that you may also be tolerated.

In 2013 Use Self-preservation with carefulness to ensure that in the process you do not scar a society that is barely holding itself from the hinges of selfishness and unkindness that is the norm; for you cannot expect to have all your rights respected when you are infringing on another’s. even for a ‘just’ cause.

For 2013 , Dare to be Different, for it is in the difference that you create room to accomodate diversity and other peoples differences.

Whatever your prayer for 2013 is, please throw in a sentence that God gives me the desire of my heart…

I knew I had gotten old when I realized that I only have one wish, one prayer and one desire for the year 2013.

“I have no regrets in my life. I think that everything happens to you for a reason. The hard times that you go through build character, making you a much stronger person.”–Rita Mero

Happy new year my people.

With lots of Love,

I blow a million kisses to each one of you

There yet Could be Some Hope

I might just sleep tonight!

I met (virtually) some very interesting people, people who can objectively debate without getting all rough and personal.(I met the opposite too, but really they did not leave a mark)

A debate on political matters, political parties and political leaders.
All this without the throw of an unkind word or a hit below the belt!

It got me thinking, what sets them apart?(Considering just a few hours before I was engaged with those of the opposite ilk)

What makes them cool calm and collected even when they are discussing the hottest issue in the country now?

Choice? Character? Intelligence?

Whatever it is, is it genetic? Is it nature or nurture?

Methinks its Nurture. Its a blend of choice and intelligence! We shape our characters with a choice to behave in a specific way and the intelligence to make that choice!

I now know that all is not grim. There is hope after all!
The outlook might not be that bright, but we (my country) need men like this.

Men who dare to be different!


Dare to be Different…

Dare to be different, Dare to be YOU.

Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”
― Apple Inc.

It takes a lot of courage to have a different opinion from your friends. Or your crowd.
And it is a good thing too.I applaud all those who walk this road.
Belonging to one school of thought is one thing, but not having the independence of thought is something else all together.
One of the ways to sharpen character is to be able to stick to your decision, come what may. Be able to call out wrong for what it is without fear or favour. Being able to withstand criticism so as to be able to defend your moral responsibility.
That does not make you proud, it makes you different and that is the whole constitution of you.

After a certain age one should discard any thoughts of popularity. When you are not in high school, then it does not matter who appoints them selves head of cheer leaders. Because you do not have to laugh at their every joke, or belong to some clique…and here I have to be categorical; Woman if you are over 27 years of age and you still care what your group of friends think, you need a shrink. If you are above that age and you still move around in a clique, you need the pope. If you are within that age group and you cannot for the love of Gos chastise your friend because you need to stay popular, you need Jesus.

It takes a strong character to be able to stick to your guns, it doesn’t matter who is for or against what matters is; Are you right? Are your claims justifiable?
If you can justify what you are claiming and you know for a fact that you are right then they can kick you out of the club membership.
And. You. Will. Not. Care.

photo credit: VinothChandar via photopin cc


There Is Such a Thing As A Good ‘Bye’…

Today let’s talk those people who hurt us so bad. Those who made us cry, who made us think we will never ever love again, or be kind again or care again.

Dear Earthlings, I have a wardrobe full of those people.

Every so often I open that wardrobe look in and smile and wonder; what in the f* hell was I thinking?

It could be an ex boyfriend, a family member (an ex- if only that were possible) or even an ex- BFF.

To be honest sometimes I think if I was given a chance to relive my life I would steer clear of these people. I doubt it. People who hurt me only made me stronger.

Those who broke my heart opened my heart to loving people who are worth my time.

Those who stole from me only taught me the importance of financial planning and sound investment.

Those who wrapped my kindness in a bag full of shit and threw it in a pit latrine, oh those ones taught me the biggest lesson, walking away from doing good and not expecting anything in return. That is the best kind of kindness people.

 So today I was very thankful to all these people. In the end they served to make me a better person.

Thank you for saying goodbye
Making me cry
Leaving me here all alone in the night
You saved my life, that beautiful night
You said goodbye

Thank you for saying goodbye
Found someone new
Yes I’m so grateful, I owe that to you
Told me to tell you he’s thankful too
For saying goodbye
~Deborah Cox Saying Goodbye

If the loser had not broken my heart I would still be in a unfulfilling relationship. And I would not know the love that I know right now… Oh God…Bye bye Baby… thank you for saying goodbye.

If the people had not stolen from me I would still be playing around with money instead of putting it to good investments. Bye bye baby… thank you for saying goodbye.

If they had not taken my kindness for weakness, I would still be holding on to lost causes, I would not know how to really give. Bye bye baby …. Thank you for saying goodbye.

If they had not betrayed my trust, I would not have made true friendships…Oh Bye Bye Baby….Thank you for saying goodbye…

*flying kiss to y’all 🙂

Lipstick Notes

Lessons from the unborn…

My pal once updated her facebook profile that she is helping God with a miracle through childbirth.

It is true.

Women are Gods portal to bringing forth more human beings… Do you think He ever thought to make humans grow on trees? Or laid as eggs? He wanted some way that for the first years of the human being they will have someone totally responsible for them, one that can give their life for them and what better way than choosing the woman who takes to caring for the human from conception?

The purpose of this post is not to preach…it’s to appreciate the whole being pregnant thing…from an outsider’s point of view.

My good friend is 24 weeks pregnant. I have seen her grow from 61kgs to 74kgs. I have seen her from when the pregnancy was a possibility to the pregnancy being a reality. I accompanied her for an ultrasound once and I shed some tears.

You actually see the baby and for every mothers heartbeat you see the little life form bounce up and down. And when the mother laughed (she was laughing at my being emotional) the baby did a complete jig inside.

The baby completely loves me – this I know, come on – quit with the judging hala!

Man that boy can kick a good one, he kicks when the tummy is rubbed, kicks when he wants some attention, kicks when hungry and kicks when he wants the mom to get on her feet 🙂

He grows every day and so does the mom, two months ago the tummy was a small manageable protrusion and now it’s a big pregnant tummy.

Thing is the mom has no way of knowing whether the baby is hungry or tired or sleepy or anything like that.  She is just the portal…

We all know that this baby will be spoilt; he has a number of aunties already who totally love him. Let me tell you why I love this particular baby…

He taught me a very important lesson, he taught me that nothing is permanent and he taught me that things change and when they do you have a choice to change with them or remain in the past. But mostly he taught me that family is not necessarily blood connected, giving people a chance can get you a connection even with an unborn baby…



Being an Individual…

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have you ever missed someone? Really missed someone?

Missed them until all the bones in your bone ache for them?

Missed them to the extent of smelling their scent everywhere…?

Missed them to a point that you are scared you might be losing your individuality?

Mh individuality… what is our individuality? Personally I think individuality is someone’s persona being able to have beliefs and principles and standing by them no matter what. Being able to pinpoint what you want even when its representation is a bit hazy or everyone else is afraid of pinpointing it or even afraid of wanting it, Being independent in thought and in action from external factors. Sometimes what we want is within our reach but most times it’s not.

That’s life’s little joke on us, that every time we reach for something we realize its way out of our reach. And then we work hard and reach for it and get it and hug it tightly celebrating as we do a victory dance…and then, just then, as we are dancing around, fresh from victory, our attentions are drawn to something else, something that we begin to imagine we would die if we do not get …and the cycle continues…

Our ambitions, our quest for separation shapes our individuality. We need that individuality. We must be alone within to create lasting relations outside. We should be able to fashion ourselves in such a way that we are able to fit in the society.

All greatness of character is dependent on individuality. The man who has no other existence than that which he partakes in common with all around him, will never have any other than an existence of mediocrity.  ~James Cooper

When you miss someone until you start getting sick or when you miss someone until you start questioning your sanity, then one must ask the vital question; is it that am losing my mind or my individuality? Or is it that you are conforming to societal standards that when someone is not around then you ought to emotionally feel their absence?

And that will give you an indication on how well sculpted your individuality is. 

One more thing, when you love someone do you lose your individuality to them? is it tied to them in any way?

With Love,


the epicenter…

Do you believe someone can have two or even three faces to them that integrate harmoniously to make a gelled version of the person?  Sort of like those three circles that are usually connected and have a common center which I would take the liberty of calling an epicenter.

The epicenter of you…your personality, what you have to offer the world… doesn’t matter what you have in the three individual circles, the epicenter is what matters. Without it the circles are not whole and neither are they circles to begin with.

They are instead a horrible fraction of the circle. We nurture the epicenter; its not the epicenter that nurtures us.

Many of the people I am fortunate to spend time with always say I have this confidence about me… I mean when you meet me at first glance you would think am loud and always happy. That is not to negate the fact that indeed I am voiced. I voice my opinion and I back it up with facts. (Circle 1)

While there are those who will swear by anything holy that I look harsh and unapproachable. (Circle 2) you see I never deny any of these conclusions because where the situation calls for it I WILL BE harsh or loud. I believe in being appropriate, wearing a dinner dress for a dinner party and not a baby’s birthday, or wearing trainers to the gym and not the night club. Am sure you get my drift…. I really don’t want to start on appropriate for fashion…that be another blog for another day.

My epicenter is probably a blend of those two and another that I really do not care to mention. Because,   after a while of getting to know me you get to see the epicenter manifested.

Sometimes you meet someone, slowly but surely, bordering to the obnoxious because he wants to show he has a brain muscle working towards a given subject but in all honesty all he goes to prove is his ignorance in the subject.

Whenever people, who are more experienced about a certain subject, are talking, I strongly believe one should be quiet and keep their ignorance well hidden, well in my case it will probably be under my Egyptian scarf – and I must say the colors pretty much hide the dullness…every pun intended.

What happened to the saying that one should only speak as much as he can prove or back up? When men of few words were attractive and when the world did summersaults to accommodate the ones willing to learn?

Believe you me, in my lifetime I have met many kinds of people;

  • Those who know and know that they know and want the world to know that they know
  • Those who know absolutely nothing but believe to know everything and want the world to know  the ‘nothing’ they know
  • Those who know but believe they still have more room to know
  • Those who do not know but are willing to know
  • Those who know and are willing to impart on those who do not know.

We should be able to place ourselves in the right bullet; because that bullet summarizes our epicenter and our outlook to the world.

Beautiful Weekend My People!