100 stories to go…

If some people are so hungry for a feeling of importance that they actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve by giving people honest appreciation this side of insanity.
~ Dale Carnegie


All you can hear is laughter.

Male and Female laughter, high and low pitched, shrieky, deep… all kinds of laughter that made for a beautiful sound to my ears.

Seated around a table, actually four tables that have been joined together to better accommodate the large crowd, a group of young professionals shared jokes, stories and lots of laughter.

I walked in late, the ambience was awesome and I stood at a distance and the one thing I thought, I will miss this people.


Every successful individual knows that his or her achievement depends on a community of persons working together. ~ Paul Ryan


They dedicated their after work time to appreciate me. (and a couple of my colleagues who are also moving on… but this is my story)

I wouldn’t be the person I am today in my career without these beautiful, mosaic crowd of my peers and seniors.

They have molded me by teaching, training, working with and supporting me all the years and here they were selflessly taking time off their rest hours to gather round and appreciate me.

The first eight years in my professional life and here I was saying goodbye to it.

Mixed emotions… I was happy I was moving but sad that this is all I knew.

They been my family for the better part of the last eight years, and one thing is for sure, each of them represented a print in my memories.

Some of my very special and lasting friendships were born here…


The making of friends who are real friends, is the best token we have of a man’s success in life.
~Edward E. Hale


Anyway as a gift I received a book, Chicken Soup for The Soul; On Being a Parent. 101 Stories. (I am a parent) – They got me a gift!! Aren’t these people awesome?

I managed to read the foreword and the first story; I have 100 stories to left to read.

And it dawned on me; This was just story number one, 100 more to go…

I have just but done one story in my career. Just like any foundation, it took time to be complete Eight years of hard work, great teams, awesome friendships, great customers , ridiculous queries and  of course ridiculous demands… but Eight years nonetheless. Eight years of learning, of being mentored and of being molded. Eight years of small and big triumphs, of satisfaction and of success. Eight years of growth in my personal, physical and career life. EIGHT YEARS.

My Story Number one is Eight years long… A milestone.

On to my Story Number 2 through to Number 101.


Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights.
~ Pauline R Kezer

This is to the next 100 stories…




The Pain. The Pen. Life.

It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on. ~Nicholas Sparks

 Every time I sit down to write I realize that I am afraid the post may be too long, too open, too bitter or all of the above.

So today I want to thank the almighty because after a very long time I got the courage to write. I am not a good writer or even blogger by all standards, but I got the courage to get out of myself and look at life from outside of myself and write however plain.

So today am in traffic and with the car radio off I could practically hear myself think. That was despite the many tuk tuks that were around me, the crazy honking drivers and generally the noise of traffic.

What is life about?

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.~ Soren Kierkegaard 

Life is about giving and receiving. It’s in the giving that we appreciate others and it’s in the receiving that we feel appreciated. While all along I thought Life was about love, happiness and wealth. I am ready to admit that I was wrong.

All three aspects above are as a result of giving and receiving.

We often tend to give too much, or too little and receive too little where we gave too much or too much where we gave too little.

Recently I realized that I was okay in giving, I was happy giving and I gave whole heartedly, I was even willing to give more, But reality dawned on me that as much as I gave I never got back. Even in small doses. And I realized that it was not worth it.

You only go where you are appreciated. And you go quickly. Because Life only makes sense when you are appreciated and you get more zest to appreciate others.

Humanity detects that when you realise that a person or a cause can benefit more from someone elses gifts or givin then its only proper for you to allow them to receive wholly and to be happy because they can give back to them in appreciation.

You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles ~ C. Joybell. C

With Love,


A life without regret…not in its entirety…

“Old times” never come back and I suppose it’s just as well. What comes back is a new morning every day in the year, and that’s better.
–George E. Woodberry

Today is the last day of the year 2012…I am thankful that I have seen this day!

SInce the 26th, i have been promising myself to post an appropriate post… but I have been too caught up with work and everything. For the first time in my career the holiday season was the busiest time of 2012…with short deadlines, impatient customers, increasingly incredulous demands…I made it though. I met all deadlines through stealth and resolve :-)…

I always say and believe that I have lived my life without regret. And that may be true. Over the last months though I discovered that there are some things I would do differently if I was to go back in time. Well here is my dark list;

  1. I would invite a little bit of abandon in my life…live a little carelessly at least once
  2. I would not give a hoot about the negative things that people said to me and of me. It’s their weakness that they can’t reconcile my awesomeness with their hideousness.
  3. I would have a stronger resolve in the things I set out to do.
  4. I would choose my University Major myself… I would then settle for Business Administration with two minors in Finance and Marketing
  5. I would see a specialist doctor for even the smallest complications
  6. I would read more books. And All genres too.
  7. I would loan money to friends and family judiciously
  8. I would teach myself how to budget and live by the budget.
  9. I would do my goals mid year and strive to achieve them so that they do not fall in the mediocrity of New year resolutions
  10. I would stand up for myself more than often, make my position known without sounding too defensive and confront all people who need to be confronted without fear or favor.

Had I done the above things I strongly believe, that my life would be different and not necessarily better, but different nonetheless. These are just aspects of my life that I learnt too late that I should have done more… Now, I have more dreams, bigger dreams, inspired by wisdom, wisdom from experience, experience from mistakes and life in general, and even if I do get to live once again for me to be as resounding as I am today, the same mistakes will have to be made.

As I move on to my new year, I would like to wish you a Happy new year, one that’s filled with situations you can convert to happiness, one whose hardships will be within your scope to handle and will only serve to make you more into the person you want to become. And that all God reserves a special channel for your prayers to be processed straight through.

In 2013 choose to change someone’s life in a positive way for it is only in this way that your life may be changed

In 2013 wear someone else’s shoes for a mile before judging them, for it is only in this way that you may also be tolerated.

In 2013 Use Self-preservation with carefulness to ensure that in the process you do not scar a society that is barely holding itself from the hinges of selfishness and unkindness that is the norm; for you cannot expect to have all your rights respected when you are infringing on another’s. even for a ‘just’ cause.

For 2013 , Dare to be Different, for it is in the difference that you create room to accomodate diversity and other peoples differences.

Whatever your prayer for 2013 is, please throw in a sentence that God gives me the desire of my heart…

I knew I had gotten old when I realized that I only have one wish, one prayer and one desire for the year 2013.

“I have no regrets in my life. I think that everything happens to you for a reason. The hard times that you go through build character, making you a much stronger person.”–Rita Mero

Happy new year my people.

With lots of Love,

I blow a million kisses to each one of you

The Molt…

The human heart is a very underestimated organ.

It carries all the emotions from since we were as young as 3 years old. When we have a thought  we invoke the heart to attach an emotion to it.When we are wronged we keep the emotion and the memory. Some people know what ‘letting go’ is. Some of us are not that lucky. We can let go of the person that wronged us but we don’t let go of the wrong.  We carry all these things within us. We push them down and tell ourselves that they cannot come up again.

Interestingly with the right amount of resolve they stay put. Time also contributes to push them down. As time passes we get new experiences that we take down to the library and safely keep it ‘away’. In addition we lift burdens off of people and carry them ourselves. We look at the world and carry each and every thing that could be done better within us.  We do all this knowing that the sun does not rise and set from our butt cracks, hence we owe it to the world to be happy and smily and bubbly without advertising our pain and burdens to the rest of the world that has bigger and heavier burdens. No one can ever guess the ugliness and rot that is in the recesses of the heart. Unkindness absorbed by a kind person does not suddenly become kindness while within them. It still is unkindness. The thing is all things carried have not changed form to something positive… they are ugly negative things.

And then one day, there is a riot. Something small, like a piece of cloth, a word evokes a memory , the memory evokes an emotion that was buried deep… and then everything starts falling apart. The case of the straw that broke the camels back.

The confidence is your Judas, it’s the first to leave. No apology and No explanation.Suddenly you start questioning yourself. You end up questing your very existence. Everything about and around you becomes a issue to be looked at. Things that never bothered you when they should have (Thats because you buried them deep) suddenly become very urgent like for instance why your father left you, why your mother is blind, why your people don’t like you, why you are the one who inherited some family disease, why some man you love wont love you back, why your boss has issues with you, why YOU are the constant.

Then you come to the conclusion that  you are the problem. That you are not as beautiful as your mother made you believe,  not as bright as your high school teacher claimed, that your eyes do not sparkle as your first love so emphatically told you and that you do not have the biggest rack in town as your friends so jealoyusly exclaim. Your self-esteem suddenly feels the need to obey the laws of gravity.

Once your confidence leaves, the first section of the library that opens is the section of your wrongs. All the bad things you did, or do. The people you have hurt. the bad things you said about others.  It’s all REAL here, no excuses, no lies no nothing. You know you did and said all those things because you are a bad human being with a silent need to be accepeted in society. You know you have complacency, something you despise in the open. You know, you know, that you said all those negative things because you were trying to deflect your own inadequacies. The chickens come home to roost baby.

Next are all the things that you carry because you are human. Here if you are an unkind son of a bitch, the world might yet go easy on you. But if you had this soft heart that loved babies and kittens, the kind of heart that wants to change the world one person at a time, this is when tears will roll. All the pictures of children dying with hunger, the thoughts of people going through hell, those thoughts haunt you. it’s not because its your fault, but because you know that those people could easily have been you. You are no better than them. You did not do anything out of the ordinary to earn yourself the life you live now… and it eats you like you cannot believe it.

The part that most normal people start with, teh part everyone else loves for the wrong reason. The wrongs that have been done to you. While many people like this part because they do it everyday and it gives them a chance to demonify someone else while making themselves look like angels, this is not with you. This happens once and it happens in this process. ALl the time people wrong you , you take it easy and forgive. In the background however a whole fucking libary section is opened. These are the people who did bad things to you. The ones who said nasty things about you, the ones who mistreated your mother when you were a kid, the ones who chased you out of their houses, the ones who let you languish in hospital when they could have popped in to say hello, the ones who on a daily basis take away your faith in humanity. These people you carry within you, not because  what they did was unforgivable, but because they did it to you. The question is why me? There must be something in me that calls for this kind of treatment. – Let me break you heart people, when ging through this process, when you are crumbling, the forwards and facebook pictures explaining that people who wrong you are jealous of you or they are sand paper hence smoothening you, or they see greatness in you, thats moot here. Here you are thinking about these loosers with a low self-esteem and no confidence…right after you have seen all the bad things you have ever done… trust me its a bad bad place to be. – At this juncture even global warming could be your fault…

All these things are out. Taunting you and in 3D. Staring you in the eye.

One day you are an ambitious woman with the resolve of a cat to live and the next you are an empty shell, full of self loathing and hatred.

It’s a dark path. That path drives itself. Once inside you have to decide whether you will come out whole or not or whether you will come out at all. It drives you deep. Deep into something no one can fathom. Deep into someone you have been carrying around all your life that you have never bothered to acknowledge. Deep into something that you fear… that fear is so real it touches you, no, no it envelopes you. Glares at you in the eye and dares you to move.

All manner of thoughts come to you. And none of those thoughts give you a solution that is positive. Because at that moment the part of you that is alive is the dark unreasonable part. The part that made you look like the strongest person. It comes out to fight your weak soul. The thoughts are as dark as  CSI Miami…

And that’s when you need to reach out to someone…you are falling deep and you need to stretch your arm and reach out to someone. No everyone thinks fast enough to reach out to someone. It could be in the form of a threat, a cry, and SOS… Just reach out and grasp. Hold on to someone, someone who you can tell all this without caring what they will think. As you reach out to this person, you know that one of two things will happen, he/she will help or he/she will run. Whatever they chose to do,  one thing is for sure they will NEVER look at you the same again. Nothing will be the same again. Unfortunately there is no criteria as to who you will choose, and even if it is there, the result is the same.

And then slowly you grasp on the clutches of life, the life that you know, the reason why you need to getout of  the abyss, the reason why you need to get out of that hole and face your demons from within one by one. That is the only way. One by one…Face them you must… Maybe not in one month or one year or even a decade, but you Must accept they exist and accept they need to be faced. It is then and only then will you se your reason to live… Not everyone who goes through this gets to see the reason to live…

That abyss is to you like molting is to eagles, or moulting is to snakes… The common ground  is that both the eagle and the human being in the abyss do not know what awaits them at the end of the process. They nust get through the process to know. Or they will die.

Molting reveals your weaknesses, lays it bare infront of you for you to appreciate your strength.

The most assured thing however is that once you get out of that abyss you will NEVER be the same again.

I know because I have lived it.


Looking on in from the outside…

“You see, even though back then Barack was a senator and a presidential candidate, to me, he was still the guy who’d picked me up for our dates in a car that was so rusted out, I could actually see the pavement going by in a hole in the passenger side door. He was the guy whose proudest possession was a coffee table he’d found in a dumpster, and whose only pair of decent shoes was half a size too small.” – Michelle Obama

Am not sure to what extent married peoples and even dating peoples  support their spouses but I know it would pay and then some.

One may ask me exactly what do you mean by ‘supporting your man’?

I have my own small ways and understandings on the subject. I tend to agree with the idealogy that in a normal relationship men should be the head of the relatonship. But I also know that Women form the backbone, the support structure and in some cases the brains in the union.

Many women do not seem to understand this about relationships. Most women work too hard to be trampled upon by their spouses only because they did not realise their full potential and specifications in the relationship.

Sometime back, my friends and I had an animated discussion about the importance of a woman in a man’s path. and one of them emphatically points out some men in teh society who do not necessarily have wives or steady relationships with women. I replied without batting an eyelid, ” then I think had he gotten a wife or a meaningful relationship, then he would have been more succesful and more fulfilled.” and i still think so.

“And I didn’t think that it was possible, but let me tell you today, I love my husband even more than I did four years ago, even more than I did 23 years ago, when we first met.” – Michelle Obama

  Believing in his dreams and helping to facilitate them is one such type of support.

  Knowing what to deal with outside of the bedroom and what not to is also a type of support.

 Knowing his weaknesses and positioning our strengths to align them is also a very good way to support our men. 

I do not know much about Michelle Obama and her home and I might agree with suggestions that the whole ‘family’ picture could be stage managed to win the hearts of many voters, however I know Barrack was not born a president, he was a young man like any other man at some point. He had dreams, ambitions and uncertainities. And he had  a good education and some exposure.

I strongly believe that when he got himself Michelle thats the point when he got some meat on the bone that was his planand that’s when he got focus.

“He’s the same man who, when our girls were first born, would anxiously check their cribs every few minutes to ensure they were still breathing, proudly showing them off to everyone we knew. You see, that’s the man who sits down with me and our girls for dinner nearly every night, patiently answering questions about issues in the news, strategizing about middle school friendships.” -Michelle Obama

I  bet they have been through some tough times. But I also know they have been ways and structures to deal with their issues. To get them to that office, Michelle has had to make a few concessions, has had to be curt, has had to be cruel to him sometimes and has also had to sacrifice on a lot of her own dreams. Her eyes were on the prize and the price was not small.

I am sure Barrack Obama has some bullshit too…like any other man. She has known to deal with that bullshit.

If you offer the kind of support that your man needs, there is no telling where you will go. Sometimes we need to dig deep to get his plan. sometimes we might have to help them formulate their plan. Most times we do this and let them believe it was them all along. 

They could be heads of the houses but they damn straight know we are the backbone.

“Well, today, after so many struggles and triumphs and moments that have tested my husband in ways I never could have imagined, I have seen firsthand that being president doesn’t change who you are. No, it reveals who you are.” – Michelle Obama

Borrowing Solomon’s Prayer…

I have always wanted to know why people act the way they do. No seriously I have. It’s not like am all up in people’s business or something it’s just that sometimes I feel people lack that essential genetic makeup that makes them miss the stupid category by a small margin.

Kenya is a very beautiful country, with beautiful people. The diversity of the people from the north to the lakeside to the central mountains and all the way down to the coast is just pure genius. We have a whole load of natural resources, bright minds and beautiful geography.
Am sure you get my drift by now.

Sadly just as much as we have the awesome positives we also have a horribly huge collection of negatives. How, in all honesty, do people attack each other so as to keep a man-who cannot even pronounce their name-in power? How in heaven’s name would we want a society of segregation and the biggest paradox of all time; how do we end up voting the same people over and over again?

Allow me this one time to complain ostensibly about this here my country. I am proudly Kenyan yet some very dim-witted people want me to stand and say am proudly (insert tribe here). What the hell is this bull shit?

My education would have come to naught had I not been exposed to the different communities in this here my world! It’s the diversity that makes Kenya as beautiful as we sell it. Not the individual tribes and not individual persons.

Some of the best-looking people I know today are of a mixed parentage, Kikuyu and Taita, Kalenjin and Kikuyu, Kamba with Maasai, and oh Kisii with Mijikenda… its almost artistic how beautiful these people are. Now in God’s name how have we in our master grand plan of segregation planned to separate these people?

While people pray for money, oil, better economies etc all over Africa, I pray for one thing WISDOM.

This country, young and old, rich and poor, educated or otherwise, we need WISDOM.