The Monster Under My Bed…

…Or Lurking in the closet.

I was never scared of this monster. Not even once was I afraid to look under the bed at night or check the closet in the dark. It could have been because I never thought it existed.

As a grown woman, I now know monsters really do exist and they are scary. Damn Straight Scary.

Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can’t ride you unless your back is bent. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

One such monster is one of change… Suddenly what you are used to or what you have known for a long time will have to be replaced or to be moulded into something different. Never mind that it could be positive or for the better ( as it is often said in hindsight) truth is, it is certainly unsettling not to know.

I am that woman today. Clouded by a myriad of uncertainities. The only constant thing around me is Change.

Internally I have grown some these last few months, I feel like a caterpilla. In the process of change. Which may be a good thing. Or Not. My own feelings are revolting against me; what I used to feel, I dont. Not any more.

But change comes from within. Once the need for change is registered in one’s brain, the whole universe agitates for that change. Surprisingly though, we are never prepared for what happens next.

I realise the prospect of change is not scary. The change itself is. The fact that the end result of change is displacement and sometimes more closer home the end result is, Indifference.

I am aware that I may be about to face my monster. Only thing is my monster doesn’t confine itself under kids beds or in their closets. This particular one is in full glare of the public. Lurking around me and daring me to run. Whispering my name and reminding me of the situation every single moment.

Lurking. Whispering. Always around us.

Waiting for the moment. The deciding Moment. The moment of acceptance.

It’s just waiting for the molt.

 Then you have to face the monster.

Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.~ Confuscious






Disdain … look up the word

Its unbelievable how thin the line is.



With Love

The Green Shoes

This says it all…


Seamlessly Small

It started with the green shoes. They were covered in a sort of supple material, possibly velvet or velour. I have always detested that word, velour. It sounds sour and carries an air of pretention.

It started with the green shoes. They were pointed with four inch stiletto heels. A bit excessive if you ask me. We were at a house party for Christ’s sake.

It started with the green shoes. All she did was blab incessantly about them: where she bought them, how much they cost, it was a never ending volume of information on the hideous commodity.

It started with the green shoes. She was far too heavy to be wearing stilettos to begin with, her fat legs, twirling at the ankles, resembling sausages stuffed into two small casings. Yet, on top of that plump thigh, your hand rested. Your attraction to her always baffled me. I…

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Torture might beget Resilience…

“The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived.” 
 Robert Jordan, The Fires of Heaven

Ah Mothers!!

Growing up I used to believe my mums dream job must have ben to supervise some torture chambers in some Asian countries.

When you played outside she would shout… “Keep running around but be very sure that should you fall and hurt yourself, I will hit you so hard you will not believe it.”

And she lived that statement.

“Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.” 
~ Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

One time I went out of the house barefoot. As luck would have it, I stepped on a nail. As many babies do, I went back into the house screaming as if I had been stabbed. The sight of my blood made me even scream some more. In fact I was 100% sure I would bleed to death.

When I got home, my mum took one look at the trail of blood I was leaving on her freshly cleaned cement floor and asked, “Where are your sandals?”.

Before I could answer I was pinched a sweet one and followed by a spank, Oh dear I was beaten a good one.

She then treated my foot with HOT oil. Generally some long and excruciating medical practices that worked very well. In hindsight.

Anyways every time she would insist on pressing it with some hot water, burn it with some oil etc. it reached a point I became numb.

So I wouldn’t feel the heat of the water or the pain from the foot.

Resilience at its best.

Sometimes to heal faster than scheduled you need to feel the pain more than often to become numb.

And numb you shall become. It helps.

Expose yourself to the pain points as much as possible, every time you relive that memory or see that person or know more about the situation, every single time, a little bit of the pain dies. And you become numb. Once numb, the healing starts and the progress is accelerated. For some unknown reason that I will not purport to know.

“Strong people alone know how to organize their suffering so as to bear only the most necessary pain.” 
 Emil Dorian, Quality of Witness: A Romanian Diary, 1937-1944


The Flipside…

Life may suck.
More often than not it does suck.

The best way to deal with sucky sucky life is to suck right back.

Go out with your head high, look at it straight in the eye and dare it to dish you any more bs it has in its store, because what you will do is climb on top of every shove and be a better person.

If its that sucky job, get so good at it that it becomes enjoyable.

If its your man/woman sleeping with another concentrate on being such a good person that soon a better person will come along and appreciate you. Pr they will realise how a big ass thats dishing it to his friend doesnt fill that vacuum.

If its that other man and woman who keeps calling you names be easy because their time will come. After all they are ugly inside so they want to project it on you. Sucky sucky lives. So keep smiling because their lives suck so much they not only want what you have they wish they were you.

When their time comes you will be well ahead you will just LOL at how bad it made you feel that they had the nerve to call you names.

If its that sucky friend who is just sucky, good riddance you dont need that bs anyway. Walk away.

While life mocks us, we humbly look at it and dare it some more and sooner than later it will find us too boring to be sucky sucky to.
After all we dont come out alive.
Whats the worst it can do? Suck some more?

And life goes on…

With Love,

With Love

The Unlikely Feat…

The Hardest part of a business, is minding your own. ~Unknown

I thought some things are simple.

You know, like minding your own business.

Whether at home, in the office, in traffic or even in a public vehicle.

I thought wrong.

It’s a feat, an accomplishment even a miracle for some people to just sit their behinds down and mind their own business.

It’s almost sinful for them to do so too.

Civilization depends on, and civility often requires, the willingness to say, ‘What you are doing is none of my business’ and ‘What I am doing is none of your business. ~George Will

Sometimes I see why we might not be able to achieve even one of the millennium goals.

How can we?

When we spend the biggest chunk of our time with our noses  far up someone’s business we actually lose the sense of smell.

But then again its not my business that people like being in other people business.

Infact its not my business that people choose to be up my business.

All I endeavour to do is be off anyone elses business. For sanity’s sake.

It’s a rot in society that will not stop. Not because its difficult to stop but because stopping it will render alot of people useless. Thats where they thrive. And thats where they must be left ; In other peoples business.

You should see these people when they find new information from their basket of  “other peoples business i need to venture” my saying they are like crazed dogs on heat, renders the said dogs quite polite.

Poor Souls.

…and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you… ~ The Bible. The Good Book. 1 Thessalonians 4:11


The Pain. The Pen. Life.

It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on. ~Nicholas Sparks

 Every time I sit down to write I realize that I am afraid the post may be too long, too open, too bitter or all of the above.

So today I want to thank the almighty because after a very long time I got the courage to write. I am not a good writer or even blogger by all standards, but I got the courage to get out of myself and look at life from outside of myself and write however plain.

So today am in traffic and with the car radio off I could practically hear myself think. That was despite the many tuk tuks that were around me, the crazy honking drivers and generally the noise of traffic.

What is life about?

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.~ Soren Kierkegaard 

Life is about giving and receiving. It’s in the giving that we appreciate others and it’s in the receiving that we feel appreciated. While all along I thought Life was about love, happiness and wealth. I am ready to admit that I was wrong.

All three aspects above are as a result of giving and receiving.

We often tend to give too much, or too little and receive too little where we gave too much or too much where we gave too little.

Recently I realized that I was okay in giving, I was happy giving and I gave whole heartedly, I was even willing to give more, But reality dawned on me that as much as I gave I never got back. Even in small doses. And I realized that it was not worth it.

You only go where you are appreciated. And you go quickly. Because Life only makes sense when you are appreciated and you get more zest to appreciate others.

Humanity detects that when you realise that a person or a cause can benefit more from someone elses gifts or givin then its only proper for you to allow them to receive wholly and to be happy because they can give back to them in appreciation.

You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles ~ C. Joybell. C

With Love,


Of the Will and Atonement…

The beginning of atonement is the sense of its necessity.
Lord Byron

Today I heard such a profound story and thought I should share it.

In fact I heard three stories; of the three stories, this one was more profound. I think.

The story is told of a certain man named Man from a certain Town called A. Man was a very bad man. He had killed 99 people from Town A.

However in his journeys he developed a conscious and all of a sudden he started seeking atonement.

He met a villager who had no o limited knowledge of the religion, let’s call him Y. So Man approaches Y and asks him, “I have killed 99 people in my journeys, however I really want atonement, do you think Allah will forgive me?”

Y, because of his ignorance of religion answers, “ 99 are too many people, that’s too much blood, I don’t think you will ever be forgiven. In fact I am certain you will go straight to hell.”

Man was very incensed and thought to himself if that is the case then, what does it matter if its 99 or 100. So he went ahead and killed Y, bringing his count to 100.

Man continued his walk and just ahead he met another villager. A man who was a scholar in the religion. Let’s call this guy Scholar. So man approaches Scholar and asks him the same question, “I have killed 99 people in my journeys, however I really want atonement, do you think Allah will forgive me?”

Scholar, because of his knowledge of religion answers, “Allah is full of grace and Mercy, there is no amount of sin that he cannot forgive, if you really desire the atonement then he is sure to atone you of your sins. However where did you kill these people?”

Man Answers, “Right here in A”

Scholar then tells him that for him to get atonement Has to travel to the nearby town, B, because the blood of the 99 people will overshadow his request to the most High.
With that Answer, Man sets about his journey to B. without a word of goodbye to either his family or friends. He did not want to waste too much time I presume.

He ran, walked, jogged crawled all the way to B, as fate would have it, just at the border of A and B, Man fell down and died.
Immediately two angels descended, one the Angel sent from Heaven and the other from hell. Each claiming Man as theirs.

Angel of Heaven says, “this man really wanted atonement, he came all the way, it is evidence that he is a good man who felt bad about his ways and wanted to be rid of his sins.”

Angel from Hell says, “Whatever man, this guy did not get to B and even if he did, he had not asked for atonement as yet.”
Allah seeing what is happening sent an angel to come as a judge and decide on the matter. The Angel says, “Let’s measure the distance between where he is from and where he is going.” Being at the border the man was closest to B, hence the angel decreed that his desire for atonement was greater than his capacity to sin at that very moment.
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How Far Would You Go…

Dont be like that.
I know I have been very absent and some of you have emailed me with reprimands  🙂
Blame my absence on the fact that I have to work and I have to grow my career. I however promise to balance my life between my readership and my employer.
I would think that’s fair…right?

So how far would you go? To get what you want? To get that beautiful home, that super speed car, that promotion or that well sculptured man or even that next door neighbour as your wife?
What will you be willing to lay down? Your Life? Your Humanity? Your reason? What?

Its only when you examine your limits that you will know your true self. A human being without limits is more dangerous than a nuclear bomb in the hands of a child.

When you know how much everything means to you, then you will know how much you are willing to let go to get that small luxury that you have been longing for.

Methinks we take life too seriously…But I also know that a crop of our generation; the YOLO generation, takes life too lightly.
In our endeavours to better our  lives we do not care about the ripple effect.

What is the ripple effect you may ask… Every action has a reaction that causes another reaction that in turn causes another reaction… all the way back to the original action. Yes, I know it has indeed been said to you over and over but I will say it again, Everything you do, will affect someone’s life, whether directly or indirectly and everything you do will come back to you. Directly.

It’s sort of like the man who woke up one morning and decided to clean out his lawn… it was full of leaves and polythene bags and trash from several weeks ago. He was prompted by the sight of his neighbor’s lawn that was meticulously done and neat, the grass short enough and green enough, the edges pruned and the sides swept.

He went to work, he swept and raked and mowed and did everything he needed to do. In the end, he collected all of the garbage bags and put them as the front gate to await collection. However when he went back to the house, he saw the oile outside the gate and was not satisfied, being late in the evening, he gathered himself, took the bags and damped them at his neighbours lawn hoping no one will notice.

He got what he wanted, a clean and neat lawn.
His neighbour, however, might not be too pleased, but Oh well… (That is typical of our YOLO generation)

Seriously though, the line between complusive disorders, insanity, and ambition is very thin. It’s called Limit.

Know your Limits… Always…In all situations. Know what you are willing to lose for that gain, know who you are willing to annoy for that truth to be out and always, for heavens sake, Apply those limits.



Accept My Apologies,



The value of an emotional tear drop…


Tears might taste salty and salt being a common mineral I suspect many common people would calously think that tears if were to ever be given a value then they would be, uuuhm, cheap for lack of a better word.
Maybe not all tears… An emotional tear drop would be so invaluable even the richest man would just covet it.
The need to shed a tear is as a result of a strong battle of wills… when the will to release oneself to their emotions wins, the result is the tear.
Sometimes its not all for gloom, though most times it is.

Remember this the next time you say or do something that will make another cry.
Remember this the next time someone does or says something that makes you cry.


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