The Monster Under My Bed…

…Or Lurking in the closet.

I was never scared of this monster. Not even once was I afraid to look under the bed at night or check the closet in the dark. It could have been because I never thought it existed.

As a grown woman, I now know monsters really do exist and they are scary. Damn Straight Scary.

Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can’t ride you unless your back is bent. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

One such monster is one of change… Suddenly what you are used to or what you have known for a long time will have to be replaced or to be moulded into something different. Never mind that it could be positive or for the better ( as it is often said in hindsight) truth is, it is certainly unsettling not to know.

I am that woman today. Clouded by a myriad of uncertainities. The only constant thing around me is Change.

Internally I have grown some these last few months, I feel like a caterpilla. In the process of change. Which may be a good thing. Or Not. My own feelings are revolting against me; what I used to feel, I dont. Not any more.

But change comes from within. Once the need for change is registered in one’s brain, the whole universe agitates for that change. Surprisingly though, we are never prepared for what happens next.

I realise the prospect of change is not scary. The change itself is. The fact that the end result of change is displacement and sometimes more closer home the end result is, Indifference.

I am aware that I may be about to face my monster. Only thing is my monster doesn’t confine itself under kids beds or in their closets. This particular one is in full glare of the public. Lurking around me and daring me to run. Whispering my name and reminding me of the situation every single moment.

Lurking. Whispering. Always around us.

Waiting for the moment. The deciding Moment. The moment of acceptance.

It’s just waiting for the molt.

 Then you have to face the monster.

Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.~ Confuscious






The Flipside…

Life may suck.
More often than not it does suck.

The best way to deal with sucky sucky life is to suck right back.

Go out with your head high, look at it straight in the eye and dare it to dish you any more bs it has in its store, because what you will do is climb on top of every shove and be a better person.

If its that sucky job, get so good at it that it becomes enjoyable.

If its your man/woman sleeping with another concentrate on being such a good person that soon a better person will come along and appreciate you. Pr they will realise how a big ass thats dishing it to his friend doesnt fill that vacuum.

If its that other man and woman who keeps calling you names be easy because their time will come. After all they are ugly inside so they want to project it on you. Sucky sucky lives. So keep smiling because their lives suck so much they not only want what you have they wish they were you.

When their time comes you will be well ahead you will just LOL at how bad it made you feel that they had the nerve to call you names.

If its that sucky friend who is just sucky, good riddance you dont need that bs anyway. Walk away.

While life mocks us, we humbly look at it and dare it some more and sooner than later it will find us too boring to be sucky sucky to.
After all we dont come out alive.
Whats the worst it can do? Suck some more?

And life goes on…

With Love,

With Love

The Unlikely Feat…

The Hardest part of a business, is minding your own. ~Unknown

I thought some things are simple.

You know, like minding your own business.

Whether at home, in the office, in traffic or even in a public vehicle.

I thought wrong.

It’s a feat, an accomplishment even a miracle for some people to just sit their behinds down and mind their own business.

It’s almost sinful for them to do so too.

Civilization depends on, and civility often requires, the willingness to say, ‘What you are doing is none of my business’ and ‘What I am doing is none of your business. ~George Will

Sometimes I see why we might not be able to achieve even one of the millennium goals.

How can we?

When we spend the biggest chunk of our time with our noses  far up someone’s business we actually lose the sense of smell.

But then again its not my business that people like being in other people business.

Infact its not my business that people choose to be up my business.

All I endeavour to do is be off anyone elses business. For sanity’s sake.

It’s a rot in society that will not stop. Not because its difficult to stop but because stopping it will render alot of people useless. Thats where they thrive. And thats where they must be left ; In other peoples business.

You should see these people when they find new information from their basket of  “other peoples business i need to venture” my saying they are like crazed dogs on heat, renders the said dogs quite polite.

Poor Souls.

…and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you… ~ The Bible. The Good Book. 1 Thessalonians 4:11


My Birthday Wish…

That I get it back!
And Intact!

For my birthday this year I want my heart back!

“Giving away a heart can hurt … having a broken heart can be life threatening, even to the strongest people. But, receiving one is the greatest gift.”
Source Unknown


sand through the hour glass

sand through the hour glass

Insanity or a Philosophy? Be The Judge

Use what talents you possess, the woods will be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.Henry van Dyke

I sit looking at the cursor blink… I want to write, I need to write… Only everything I wrote about today seemed predictable. So I tried to write anything but what I want to write about, anything else in this whole world… so here goes nothing…

As a kid I used to have so many theories, theories that maybe I should have tried to prove when I got older. You see I have always wanted to know, I question everything and try to explain everything… maybe that’s not right but it worked for me.

So the theories, there is one that I believe in to date, . It’s the theory that tries to explain déjà vu. Have you ever been in a scene that you know for a fact that you have been there before? The same people, the same story, the same settings, everything is the same?

Have you also been in a vivid dream, a dream that you are almost not so sure that it’s a dream anymore? But you just can’t get out? And then you make a mental note in the dream to remember the dream and analyze it. And then the next morning, you try so hard and you cannot remember…

So in my youth, I decided the two have something to do with each other. Sometimes when you are sure you have been there before then you most assuredly have been there before. It could have been in that dream. Or maybe we live in two parallel worlds, one is the world we know of, the world we are living in, the world I would assume you are reading this blog in because it’s the world I wrote it in and then there is the other world; the world of could have been and should have beens. The world that explains the alternate outcomes of the various actions we take.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.  -Ambrose Bierce

Am sure you think am kuku? How does déjà vu come in you ask? How? Here is how, when in all possible worlds the outcome is the same then the worlds meet and you are sure you have lived that moment again, because you have and the results are the same and that my people is my theory that seeks to explain déjà vu.

What am I on about?

Anything else in the whole world, anything else in the whole freaking world and I choose to try and explain déjà vu?



 Life is a tragedy for those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. -Horace Walpole

I demand an apology…

I have watched the complete Season 1 of Newsroom almost three times in the last two weeks. What draws me to this show is the moral responsibility that the show insists professional journalism has towards the public…And I completely agree with that stance.

…. [Pause] we sure used to be. We stood up for what was right. We fought for moral reasons. We passed laws, struck down laws for moral reasons. We waged wars on poverty, not poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors. We put our money where our mouths were. And we never beat our chest. We built great big things, made ungodly technological advances, explored the universe, cured diseases, and we cultivated the world’s greatest artists and the world’s greatest economy. We reached for the stars, acted like men. We aspired to intelligence, we didn’t belittle it, it didn’t make us feel inferior. We didn’t identify ourselves by who we voted for in our last election. And we didn’t… we didn’t scare so easy. We were able to be all these things, and to do all these things, because we were informed. By great men, men who were revered. First step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one…. Will McAvoy – Managing Editor ACN – Newsroom

Will brings it all down to one thing, information. Information should be provided to the people in a timely and factual manner with no bias and no filtering. It’s the prerogative of the people in charge with information dissemination to have integrity while doing so. It is important to know that an informed people form the best society, make the best decisions and is the basis of a successful economy.

We are extremely lucky to have and encourage journalism that scratches NOT beyond the surface, journalism that does NOT ask the questions that need to be asked, journalism that does NOT care for the entire fact, gives importance to hyperbole and innuendo.

What’s sad though is that even with that knowledge, we have turned the mainstream media to a tool for propaganda and rumor mongering, a mouth piece for the politicians to spew their lies and melodramatic reactions, an avenue where non-issues are given the prime hour and advertisements run longer than the NEWS.

All channels will report on the same piece from one angle, no one bothers to look for the other sides of the story or the different angles of the story; no one bothers to hire professional analysts who without fear or favor will analyze the economy, politics and the government. No one bothers to bring in experts on different subjects to weigh in on bills that are being passed in parliament and/or form a debate to dissect the bills.

We will have weeks and weeks of reporting on domestic violence as affects a small sample of the populace while no one is bothering to give insight on how to handle the increasing number of terrorist attacks from an expert point of view, no one is bothering to highlight the possible repercussions (economic and political) of electing a candidate facing charges in ICC from an expert in the matter, no one has bothered to give us a full cover of the new developments in the country, their expected outcomes, expert views on how to best achieve the goals, no one bothers to bring in analysts who will highlight to the people on the 5 year political scorecard of each politician. No one bothers to do a follow up on reported matters and expected or promised changes in policy or operations. No one wants to be the government’s watchdog for the benefit of the people.

Instead we spare 5 minutes to follow a campaign rally give each speaker 2 minutes airtime to pollute the mind of the electorate oh and as if that snot shallow enough follow up with assorted video footages that show the politicians position on some rumor or reaction to another politician, and then we go ahead and report on important issues in passing and look for humorous juicy tragedies to dwell on. We then cap it all with a leading, non-intelligent question;

Tonight we ask you do you think candidate A should team up with Candidate B? SMS your Yes and No answer to …

That is the sum total of NEWS from my country. That is what the journalism profession has been reduced to. Years and years of experience and studying, years and years of research reduced to 30 minutes of pure hogwash reported in an unintelligent manner.

As we give importance to the doctors to stick to the laws of their profession so should we insist on the Media to do what they are here to do, to quote Will McAvoy once again “… and for 23 hours a day, you should make a profit, but for one hour a night, you work for us.” in his apology to the electorate.
I think the Media houses in my country owe us an apology;

  1. they owe the young girl who will vote for the first time in March 2013 an apology for enforcing the belief that the next leader should come from a certain tribe,
  2. they owe the old man who lives in the rural area an apology for possibly helping him make the wrong choice of candidate every 5 years at the ballot since 1992
  3. they owe the 14 year old boy who has no clue on how to differentiate between issues and non issues making it hard for him to know for sure what he wants to be when he grows up an apology,
  4. they owe the baby being born today an apology for being born to a country that is full of debt, corruption and a self-defeating tax policy.
  5. they owe themselves an apology for allowing to be driven by self-conceitedness and denying themselves the opportunity to realize their full potential in growing their careers, for reducing their industry into an industry of jokers and morally unstable people, for not giving themselves an opportunity to realize the real power each individual has in making this country a better place.
  6. they owe the rest of world an apology for being a tainted window into our country, for not being able to paint the real picture of this country and for not being able to provide support structures that would expose the country to the rest of the world and/or bring the rest of the world to this country…
  7. they owe the whole country an apology for denying them access to relevant and factual information, denying them the whole analysis of a given picture from different angles, for denying them the power to make INFORMED decisions

I consider the manner in which the custodians of information and the people entrusted with dissemination of the said information conduct their business to be in moral turpitude and for that I demand an apology.


The price some will pay for greatness.

I have come to the conclusion that not all of us will end up in marriage, happy or otherwise.

I have also realized that not all of us were made for conventional relationships as depicted by the society.

Its the blunt truth. And that truth might be difficult for even the most reasonable person. However it is a truth that needs to be realized and embraced. The sooner we realize that about ourselves the better we will be.

It is then and only then that you will spend the energy you would otherwise use (waste) on relationships on other things and aspects of your life that you actually thrive in.

Like everything else I also know that there is a provision for trial and error or how else will one know they actually belong to this group of individuals?

There is also a provision for unions that are based on pure lust and meaningless canal desires.

Some Women are not meant to be happy, they are meant for greatness.

One day most of you will remember these words and when that day comes, please sure to give me credit on them…


I found myself questioning my very existence!

Have you ever questioned your existence? Your livelihood? Your means? And our future?

I have. Most recently being yesterday. Yesternight to be precise.

Let me tell you what happened yesterday.  I had an opportunity to see with my own eyes and touch with my delicate fingers a baby like this one right here (pictured above), In the flesh (metal that is). Belongs to someone I know.

If you are still wondering what it is, it’s a Mercedes-Benz C63 AGM. I was in awe… Complete and utter awe… How people own such things is beyond me…(not in a negative way by the way, just a wonderful way)

You see even if you decided to give me this car, I will not be able to maintain it. the consumption of this car is above my means…truth is my means are not anyones gauge, my means are way down there… 1500cc engine Toyota means 😀

To be honest it’s not the first time I have seen this particular car, it’s just that this time I saw it up close and candid. I got to get in and the dashboard looks like it can take a command and brew you a cup of coffee.

Do not be fooled it IS all that and a bag of chips.

Recurrent Numbers

The numbers around the maintenance of this car are staggering… you know, the service ( and I have to mention that the car was well maintained, looked brand new when in fact it’s a 2008 car)

In perspective I think should my friend decide to give me all that he has spent on this car I might be able to get myself a nice cool Toyota 😀

For instance he said his car would need 8 spark plugs. Each spark plug goes for the Equivalent of USD1000 in KES. So he needs USD8000 to replace the spark plugs…

I am still in awe… and not just because of the beauty of this car or the amount of money it must cost him, but also because someone can afford to have such a car for these our roads. You need to do the Mombasa – Mazeras Road to know what am talking about.

If I owned this car I would be CARRYING it to work…

But I always say should you make enough money to afford such a car why not?

Given all this am still strangely drawn to the Range Rover Evoque. OK the reason may be I do not want to make so many general requests to God, I want to be specific and the last detail. I will still get me a Range Rover Evoque. And I will be happy jumping on to it every morning to work.

You remember what I told you before? about the Evoque?


Being an Individual…

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have you ever missed someone? Really missed someone?

Missed them until all the bones in your bone ache for them?

Missed them to the extent of smelling their scent everywhere…?

Missed them to a point that you are scared you might be losing your individuality?

Mh individuality… what is our individuality? Personally I think individuality is someone’s persona being able to have beliefs and principles and standing by them no matter what. Being able to pinpoint what you want even when its representation is a bit hazy or everyone else is afraid of pinpointing it or even afraid of wanting it, Being independent in thought and in action from external factors. Sometimes what we want is within our reach but most times it’s not.

That’s life’s little joke on us, that every time we reach for something we realize its way out of our reach. And then we work hard and reach for it and get it and hug it tightly celebrating as we do a victory dance…and then, just then, as we are dancing around, fresh from victory, our attentions are drawn to something else, something that we begin to imagine we would die if we do not get …and the cycle continues…

Our ambitions, our quest for separation shapes our individuality. We need that individuality. We must be alone within to create lasting relations outside. We should be able to fashion ourselves in such a way that we are able to fit in the society.

All greatness of character is dependent on individuality. The man who has no other existence than that which he partakes in common with all around him, will never have any other than an existence of mediocrity.  ~James Cooper

When you miss someone until you start getting sick or when you miss someone until you start questioning your sanity, then one must ask the vital question; is it that am losing my mind or my individuality? Or is it that you are conforming to societal standards that when someone is not around then you ought to emotionally feel their absence?

And that will give you an indication on how well sculpted your individuality is. 

One more thing, when you love someone do you lose your individuality to them? is it tied to them in any way?

With Love,


Real Friends Dont Let Friends Audition for TPF Like This…

Do not miss any episode of TPF 5. I suspect this season we are really going to enjoy ourselves.
Admittedly the fun part just ended yesterday with Nairobi auditions. Dude!!! They were something else!!
Also if only we could have Kevin Mbugua as one of the judges, I think he was cool headed at the auditions

I spent the whole weekend being a busy body.

And No I did not go dancing in the rain mainly because Saturday was so sunny (when it does rain, be sure that I WILL strike that off my bucket list) and I decided to go shopping instead, ALONE. It was traumatizing… in the busy local market alone… you don’t even want your phone to ring lest someone grabs it…but I did get some stuff that someone will surely enjoy.

Also had my hair retouched, problem is in my current city it’s too hot to maintain my bob cut as my hair is too fine…it easily becomes wet as my scalp is prone to sweating. The hair was retouched , finally did meet up with my girlfriends, went home, made and had supper and sat down to watch THE GOOD WIFE.

I will definitely tell you a few lessons I learnt from that series there, in another post.

We ended up sleeping at 2:30am. It’s a very very captivating series.

So come Sunday we were late for service. Yeah I know that was so bad. And we will make up for it. And hence immediately after breakfast we went back to watching The Good Wife.

Another girlfriend joins us at 3pm, so we make lunch and sit to watch TV.

That’s when we remembered to watch the repeat of the previous night’s episode of American Idol.

It was a great episode I tell you. Joshua Ledet’s final performance of James Brown’s, It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World was off the hook. I was so moved emotionally, I cried. The link I have posted however is not the final performance… I could not get a hold of that one.

That boy has got talent, he can sing. I am looking forward to buying his music soon.

We switched channels so as to get some local news headlines and also catch up with our very own Tusker Project Fame. I have never laughed so much. There was this guy who decided to do a slow rendition of Billy Jean by MJ. He even changed the lyrics while at it. Had to clutch my ribs. Oh and don’t forget the guy – at this point, though, am not sure whether he was male or female – who did Thriller. I could not find this link…but as soon as I do I will edit it here pap! I did however find this and this and this very nice links that am sure you will absolutely love *smile*

Someone posted on Facebook that friends do not let you audition for TPF. Seriously this people cannot sing to save their lives and yet they go and audition; fully aware that the auditions will be televised nationwide? Am in awe!

Another way to look at it is well nothing should stand in the way of achieving your dreams, even if it’s the fact that a frog croaks better or the fact that you have no clue what you are doing…. Nothing really should stand in the way of you being a Star. These people completed my weekend…

Have a good week ahead my people! And don’t do anything to embarrass thyself.


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